SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Welcome to the SATs - your score today may determine which College Loan you'll be paying well into your 40s. Let's begin.

   I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.

   What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?

   Wearing a Santa hat is a great way let people know you're a wild card.

   We've wrapped cheap electric lights around our dead indoor tree and are ready for the guy to break into the house while we're sleeping!

   Little known fact: Pop-up ads are the result of that time the Internet got herpes.

   "You moved the headstones but you never moved the chicken bones!!" (Poultrygeist)

   Anti Depressants should be called 'Mirth Control.'

   If you ever have the strangest sensation that I'm communicating with you telepathically, it's because I totally am!

   I am on a rowing machine. It's like being on a boat only with less screaming.

   Herman Cain's career & marriage are a mess & the media mocks him constantly. Only 10 months ago, this was called #Winning.

   Kid birthday parties should just be called get your child sick gatherings.

   They say dress for the job you want not the job you have, so today I'm dressed like the Pope.

   I accidentally hit a deer! Okay it wasn't a deer, it was a Smart car with fake antlers on it... and it wasn't an accident.

   Just took my Doritos bag out of the trash because I saw one more Dorito in it. I wonder if Bonnie Tyler is still holding out for a hero?

   Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD.

   My religion combines Buddhism & Scientology, or Buddhintology. I believe in Celebrities & Emptiness.

   I just had to use a can opener to get my jeans off.

   Women find it rude if you blatantly want to sleep with them. But they find even ruder if you don't.

   Technically wouldn't all of Denver be in the mile high club?