SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Billy Joel's "In the Middle of the Night" had to be inspired by a 3am piss.

   Nothing is scarier than an old milky eyed gypsy whispering "don'cha be 'fraid naw."

   Seeing yet another deer crash into a car reminds me that one of us needs to tell all deer that it's time to stop texting.

   Curious George books are a great way to teach kids that single men who wear large yellow hats and own pet monkeys are in no way threatening.

   I'm not sure what color you guys should change your avatars to, but Starbucks is out of bran muffins.

   A boy named Suh just gave up a lot of Johnny Cash.

   There are times that I think that her lazy eye is just playing hard to get.

   The Vatican's chief exorcist says yoga is a satanic practice, which means yoga just got about 11,000,000% cooler.

   MTV has “My super sweet 16″ and “When I was 17″ what is next? “Officer, I swear she was 18!?”

   Judge your self-worth by how far you can stick your finger up your nose.

   I overheard a woman yelling at her husband for paying more attention to Facebook than to her, or at least that's what I think she said to me.

   The Revolution will not be televised but a podcast seems inevitable.

   I swear all my tweets end up in an empty room in brazil.

   Hey Little Drummer Boy -the Roman Army's hunting us, we're hiding in a barn & the baby's sleeping. Maybe STFU w/the drum.

   Newt Gingrich doesn't just have skeletons in his closet, he has the whole bone army from the 7th Voyage of Sinbad.

   Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won't be listening then either.

   50,000 gather at Rockefeller Center to witness public execution of 74-year old tree.

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.

   The Cain Train got derailed because the conductor couldn't stop chasing caboose.

   It's taken me this long to realize "Eurozone Crisis" wasn't referring to a woman's underarm area.