Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Watching this cool nature show about a bunch of apes who think they can sing. It's called "Glee" or something.

   They're playing Nicki Minaj at the zoo. Wait no, just a couple of chimpanzees fighting.

   Stupid people really irritate me. I wish I could piss on some people and sprinkle some wisdom on them.

   Just saw my friend in a g ay p orn o... His secret has never been safer.

   Nothing tests a woman like having to stop talking for 2 f uckin minutes whilst she’s brushing her teeth

   Kristen Stewart doesn't get enough credit for her acting ability. I thought she was great as Harry Potter's wand.

   The other day I went so far back into someone's timeline I ended up on their MySpace page.

   The only thing more annoying than working for a living is people.

   I don't cuddle after sex because cuddling strangers is gross.

   Alcoholism is a disease. That's why I feel entitled to use the handicap parking spaces when I'm drunk.

   Just bought my " I survived black history month" T-shirt

   The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.

   Insomnia is for people who haven't tried watching Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   Girls with big boobs never have to worry about having spinach stuck in their teeth.

   Seeing a unicorn would be incredible and all, until you realize a wild animal with a spike on its head tends to enjoy spearing things to death.

   Just because I pet your dog doesn't mean I want to talk to you, get over yourself hot girl.

   I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.

   After sex I enjoy a big glass of get the fu-ck out of my house.

   My favorite Transformer is the one that transforms from a hoe into a housewife.

   There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from Hawaii.