BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I hate when I miss a call by a few seconds, call the person back and they don`t answer.

   Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Today, you're here. Coincidence?

   On a walk, my son saw a pay phone, asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Iphone..

   when you run like a ninja to your charger when your phone is low battery

   The next time somebody texts me with "k", I'm going to tell them that they smell like a hippo. And when they respond with "WTF??" I'm going to respond with just "k"

   It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

   ❒Single ❒Taken ✔ Unable to find love because my standards have been set unrealistically high after mentally dating a celebrity.

   Having a dog is like having an alarm system that stains your floors.

   A secret is something you tell to one person at a time.

   Saying “I forgive you” is the kindest way to tell someone: “I still think it's your fault.”

   Sometimes I ask myself “Why me?What have I done to deserve this?” Then, I say to myself, “Oh…right.”

   My doctor is a weight loss expert. He removes the fat from my wallet.

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a picture that makes her look fat.

   ■My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

   Relationships are like math problems. Sometimes you have to take someone out of the equation, put someone else in, and......it's right!

   Replying to a text with "k" not only shows that you're an a**hole, but also shows your a lazy f**k that abbreviates a two letter word.

   I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

   Teacher: You failed the test! Me: You failed to educate me.

   Textaphrenia – thinking you've heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.

   I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.