bego Funny Status Messages

   I laugh when someone I just met gets mad at me and expects me to care. Like, wtf. I don't give a s**t about you! I don't even know you!

   Lies usually spread faster than the truth because there are always damn more of them.

   They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder...should we give that a try?

   So you gonna take 15 minutes to text back huh? That's fine, I'll take 20...

   Never trust a gut feeling on an empty stomach.

   First, love yourself. Everyone else, get in line.

   Talk about others and you're a gossip. Talk about yourself and you're a bore.

   LIKE if your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes then you never do it.

   I've got to stop believing everything I think.

   Updating my status in the car. Don't worry, I'm in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the damn cops.

   You can't hurry love, but you can honk the horn a few times and let it know you're waiting.

   U know some fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time…” Others begin with “If elected, I promise…”

   A picture is worth a thousand words. Yours just says “slut” a thousand times in a row

   Marriage; the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy a license.

   There's probably no problem in the world that can't be resolved by a good ol' fashioned Facebook survey.

   When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late.

   Never trust a dog to watch your food.

   I want a phone that does everything but ring.

   Autocorrect can kiss my ask!

   I'm not needy. I'm wanty