Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Remember people, good manners is what separates us from the French

   As soon as you get married you will understand why Barbie and Ken are sold separately with all their s hit

   Not sure if I'm craving something sweet or salty and now I know exactly how Bella felt with Edward and Jacob.

   Just saw a girl choking on a cupcake so I quickly ran over, took her phone and Instagrammed what was left of it. She's perfectly fine now.

   ''I want to ruin some songs today.'' -The producers of Glee every morning.

   Every woman is beautiful, but some are only beautiful in the dark.

   Go on, drink your coffee like you have something important to do today.

   I put a message in a bottle and threw it in the Ocean. The note said "I have Tuberculosis and I coughed in this bottle"

   I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I'm roofing.

   Looks like they used up all the power trying to revive Wyclef’s career.

   When a romantic song comes on the radio, I always take her hand in mine, and whisper softly in her ear, "Please change the radio station."

   Cemeteries: Saving me on buying flowers since High School.

   If she takes off her heels to chase you, then you better call the police while you still can.

   My cat is my date and we got asked to leave the Olive Garden. Probably because she's black.

   It's not poetry, if it's not written in blood.

   You know it's true love when you ask her what she is thinking about and she says "SEX" and you reply "Me too".

   This girl seems like the kind of person who uses a lot of hand gestures when she's talking to her gynecologist on the phone.

   Since they never showed Cheetara licking her a sshole, I highly doubt she was 100% Thundercat.

   I just assume that everything in a gas station bathroom is coated in a thin layer of HIV.

   If marriage has taught me anything it's that there is no shortage of por n on the Internet.