tomcall Funny Status Messages

   I order the club sandwich all the time. I'm not even a member. I dunno how I get away with it.

   You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

   President Obama has invited a group of top Republicans to watch the Super Bowl with him at the White House. That should be a lot of fun. They're gonna need a two-thirds vote before they pass him the Doritos.

   Man, good thing the Obama family got that dog. I'm pretty sure Sasha and Malia were tired of throwing frisbees at Joe Biden.

   I don't know about you, but I'm pretty disgusted by the "tips for a tiny belly" ads.

   After Al Gore gets divorced, his wife will receive 40 percent of his ego, his ignorance, and the Internet.

   These high gas prices sure have made it hard to land on the dollar when filling up.

   Dear Man Next To Me: You might want to turn down your iPod, because everyone in the room can tell you're listening to "Party In The USA" even though you don't think they can.

   Dear Mark Zuckerberg: Weren't you doing just fine without the irritating banner ads?

   Society would improve leaps and bounds if people would just stop putting those stupid Transformers emblems on their cars.

   BREAKING: The Washington Redskins, due to the embarrassing nature of their name, have decided to remove the "Washington" from it.