smeebert Funny Status Messages

   Russia is going to the moon, we can't even get to the next state with the price of gas

   Your so beautiful I can see you in 3D, yep thats my room number

   I hope daylight savings time hasn't thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing

   Just won the lotto but can't find my ticket

   Son when I was young there was no wheels on suitcases, we carried them wherever we went.

   I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, tell them I'm outstanding

   I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute

   Don't forget to change your clocks tonight and to change your president on Tuesday

   Always leaves my toenail clippers open, never know when an intruder might show up

   Facebook. Why are you trying to lure me into people's problems?

   Dennis rodman is the Jane Fonda of this generation

   Internal Revenge Service

   still wonders why my friends in high school all had those plastic film containers and no one owned a camera?

   If you drive under the speed limit then yes you are boring

   everyone is crazy but me and you and I'm beginning to wonder a little bit about you

   when I think of a selfie, I'm not sure it's the same thing you're thinking of

   Do forget to set your scale back 10lbs this next week

   you know you gave up on life when you eat your breakfast, lunch and dinner from a "bacon bowl"

   20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area

   because of the Polar Vortex.... I've been in a purely textual relationship