cj Funny Status Messages

   trying to decide if I has an attitude problem today, or not.

   You know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

   Beauty is only a light switch away.

   No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her $hit.

   Make love, not war. Hell, do both, GET MARRIED!

   If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

   just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last

   Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"

   “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”

   I asked the Magic ❽ Ball if I was going to clean the house today and it said, Signs point to yes. Sh*t I hate when it says

   If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

   There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

   I am having an out of money experience.

   If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you assume put me there?

   The hardest part about business is minding your own.

   Never steal. The government hates competition.

   The future isn't what it used to be...

   Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

   Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

   A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.