Yoda Funny Status Messages

   Meaningless statistics are up 17% today

   I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus

   If you’re going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance....

   Sometimes I'm more confused than a baby in a topless bar...

   I fell on the floor last night... good thing the 5 second rule didn't apply

   don't cry over spilled milk... it could have been beer...

   R.I.P. Lou Reed... hope you're now taking a walk on the wild side....

   Happy Halloween... may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong! ;-)

   I confess, for years I thought "assless chaps" were skinny British dudes

   If a room is spinning, it doesn't mean the world revolves around you... you may have just had too much to drink....

   If they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food

   Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus...not a Ford Multi-task

   A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.

   Some play hard to get, I play hard to want

   It's hard to be intimidating when your boots keep making fart sounds when you walk...

   More often than not sadly... The three phases of love: 1.XOXO 2. XXX 3.EX

   Imagine the sheer horror in kid's face when you tell the "When I was born there was no internet".

   Sometimes I laugh so hard, tears run down my leg.

   The besth thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?

   Apparently, California has the highest rate of Adultery and Depression. It's a sad State of affairs....