Stevielea Funny Status Messages

   Having a child is like having a little broke ass best friend!

   I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.

   My grandpa was so competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last, he said, "Staring contest......GO".

   My friend hates it when I put his chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. He gets his snickers in a twix.

   FOUR STAGES OF A MANS LIFE : 1. You believe in santa. 2. You don't believe in santa. 3. You are santa. 4. You look like santa.

   Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I'm a gift!!

   Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. For skills I possess when shaving my nuts that I could apply to other aspects of my life!

   Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, then realized it said "THICK CUT"

   "you da bomb" - " No you da bomb" In America - a compliment. In the middle East - an argument.

   "Can I get a coke please?" "Nope is pepsi ok" "Do you do updog?" "What's updog?" " Not much...and no pepsi is not ok".

   Next time you visit someone with Alexa. "Alexa set 3am alarm with horror movie sounds."