SULLY Funny Status Messages

   I think the Eagles would sign Casey Anthony to a contract if they could......

   I'm going to reserve judgement on the Super Committee until I see them in their costumes........

   Holly sh*t!! Thankfully I did not invest in the stock market. I took the $2.47 I made last week and invested it all in candy.........

   Quick question.... Who gets all of Gadhafi's cool sunglasses when they catch him?

   Damn Earthquake made me spill my tea, and I'm a 1000 miles away.. I'm available for interviews ; )

   Will and Jada splitting, 5.8 earthquake in DC, and now Hurricane Irene as a possible Cat 4 landfall this weekend??? Lord have mercy............

   As a show of support for all my friends effected by or responding to Hurricane Irene, I am currently sitting in a washer set to spin............

   Watching hurricane reporter standing in the surf. The weirdness in me is waiting for a shark to get him. Sorry.......

   If anyone is truly disappointed by the lack of destruction done by Irene, I will gladly come by & break all your sh*t & leave a few bruises.......

   I'm gonna go old school and drop my status updates in an envelope and start mailing them to all my friends daily to help bail out the Post Office...

   If Wesley Snipes had paid his taxes our country wouldn't be in this position.....

   Breaking news: Republican Bob Turner wins Weiner's old seat. Hmmm.. I hope they steam cleaned it for him??

   FBI announced the Scarlett Johansson photos are illegal. Holly Sh*t!! That makes me Public Enemy Number One.........

   I missed Obama's speech....Someone please tell me there will be a rebroadcast translation of Obama's speech into Pirate speak this afternoon??

   Put on clean whitie tighties...Check. What other falling satellite preparations should I be making??.....

   Hey guy's, don't forget to clear your browser history every 5 minutes just in case that satellite hits you......

   FYI - If you find bit of the satellite, you have to call the police and someone from NASA (prob Bruce Willis) will come over to collect it, apparently!......

   The worst part about the Hank Williams Jr remarks and backlash is that Toby Keith will most likely write a song about it now....

   has been celebrating Columbus Day by walking into my neighbors homes and telling them that I live there now.........

   NBA cancels first two weeks of the season. I hope Kim and Khloe are gonna be ok........