SEDDY90 Funny Status Messages

   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

   If love truly is blind, she probably can't tell the difference between a gold necklace and a chain of paperclips, right?

   Why do men get circumcised? Because women will GRAB anything with 20% off!! :))

   What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!

   If I caught a Grenade for you I Will No Longer Able to Hold On To You Forever!!!

   Hi welcome to Hollister, Would you like a flashlight?

   Your In ur bed, it's 6 AM,u close ur eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30,u close your eyes for 5 minutes,it"s 1:31

   Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we're not looking?

   "Why didn't you answer my phone call?" Oh, sorry I was dancing to the ringtone

   Dear Dora, How do you get that t-shirt to fit over your head? Sincerely, Thats physically impossiple

   Dear Nosey Friend, I know you're reading my inbox while You're "playing" with my phone.

   Parents call it "talking back" we call it explaining.

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   When a quiz is NOT multiple choice... You know you're screwed.

   Student: can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: I don't know can you? Student: B!TCH I WILL PISS ON THIS FLOOR!! 

    Ugly people: Don't play hard to get, you're already hard to want.

   That awkward moment when someone you don't like sends you a friend request, then you decline. Then they send another one.

   Read it slow: LIFEISNOWHERE. What did you read? LIFE IS NO WHERE or LIFE IS NOW HERE? Life is as you read it.

   S.I.N.G.L.E = Stay Intoxicated Nightly Get Laid Everyday

   Dear slut, Has your right leg ever met your left leg?