Psycho Funny Status Messages

   If Bruce Jenner can win woman of the year, I see no reason why Sarah Jessica Parker can't win the Kentucky Derby.

   I think this midget prostitute is really selling herself short.

   a wheelchair is just grocery cart to a cannibal

   I think we should hear other voices.

   In hell, you're served sugar free jam on burnt gluten free toast with decaf coffee.

   TERRORISM - This is what happens when you indoctrinate people with fairy tales that have no basis in reality.

   I heard Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

   On a deteriorative scale, my liver is somewhere between Ozzy Osbourne and Charlie Sheen.

   Strangers get so paranoid when they catch you stirring a mysterious powder into their drink.

   No offense but I wanna set you on fire.

   I think I'll feel much better once I beat someone to death.

   I can't make you love me, but I can hold your head underwater until you stop breathing.

   I hate when I'm watching porn and my mom walks in. what is my mom doing in this p0rn?

   Your small talk is beginning to make my eye twitch.

   I believe it is important to be an organ donor, which is why I am willing to donate my second chin to anyone missing a chin.

   I'm always the first one to say "I love you" in a gangbang.

   Did you know :Relationship Without Sex Helps you Focus on the Most Important things in a relationship like Cheating

   Florida is going to be covered in stripper glitter and cocaine pretty soon.

   I wonder how long it took for the Playmates to realize that Hugh's Viagra had worn off and rigor mortis had set in...

   When there's a new woman at the house, and the dog doesn't stick his nose in her crotch, then I pass too.