Lil-David Funny Status Messages

   In a couple year I'm going to be one of those senior citizens that bites and urinates on people, I already do one of them....

   The Duck Dynasty guys need to to look in their beards, I'm sure there's a few ducks in them...

   I forget my password so often I made it incorrect that way when I'm wrong the computer reminds me...

   The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer!

   I think premature male baldness should be the next race card..

   On Christmas my brothers and sisters come over with all their ADHD kids, they all really love my Amphetamine Apple Pie!

   I. really hate when Grandma gets me underwear for Christmas-they are always. " I Won't Get Caught Dead In Whitey-Tightys!"

   I wish minimum wage went up as much as the price of postage stamps...

   Nothing shows more Christmas spirit then then Egypt, and Sudan they keep sending each other cars- that blow up! Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal!

   We had a war on drugs, there were more drugs, war on terror and more terrorist, so for 2014 we need to have a war on money and jobs, it can't hurt!

   Well it's almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!

   Lets Do The 2014 New Years Hump Today!

   The best part of waking up..... Is Bailey's In My Cup...

   I want to move to Colorado that way this be a legal "Wake-N-Bake"

   RIP Uncle Phil (James Avery) you were the Prince of Bel Air!

   Colorado is changing their state flower to "Sinsemilla"

   If I get their attention negative or positive I accomplished my intent...

   The opinion of one is the opinion of all........

   Governor Chris Christie ran his pie hole for 2 hours, that explains the warmer weather!

   With my luck that Southwest plane would have landed in rebel terrorist controlled Syria!