Huck Funny Status Messages

   Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider's web.

   I am the undefeated champion of this"smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don't-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day" game

   I'm just a boy. In love with a girl. Standing here quietly. Behind your shower curtain. Watching.

   On the weekends, I'm a Cupcake War reenactor.

   I got recognized once. It was at my friend's house. He was all, "Hey, you really should call first." So cool.

   Worst thing about strip clubs is the women totally hog the poles. Maybe I'm really good! At least give me a turn.

   I'd rather lose an eye than show an old person how to use a computer.

   Anyone who says you can't judge a book by its cover hasn't seen the cover of “The Big Book of Huge Breasts”.

   Those Cialis dudes get turned on when they see really bad acting

   The majority of my childhood was spent naming one of my settlers in Oregon Trail after an enemy then doing all I could to help them die of dysentery

   Every time I hear someone say Right About Now, I end it with Funk Soul Brother.

   According to my horoscope, I'm going to get rich today. According to my Youtube comments, I'm a "douche." Life is confusing.

   Old lady in the blue track suit in front if me smells like garlic and moth balls. I would complain but I think she's a Crip!.

   I can't even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.

   Just checking in to make sure that there is ample drama in my timeline. Yup, looks good to me.

   No, but I do kiss YOUR mother with this mouth.

   Men who don't understand why their woman is mad at them need to realize the woman doesn't know why either.

   The only math I'm good at is adding insult to injury.

   Somewhere out there is a legitimate Nigerian Prince crying into a huge pile of cash.

   I'm not saying I'm tired but I did just try to unlock a door with my wallet.