Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Wearing a bra with tinny boobs is like carrying a wallet with no cash.

   If a girl doesn't squeeze toothpaste from the bottom up, never ask her for a handjob.

   When a fat person writes, "LMFAO"... I see "Laughing My FAT Ass Off"

   The 4 most popular words after sh!tty sex: “I cheated for this?”

   I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke?

   Why do fat people say they have to start eating right? They've obviously mastered the art of chewing and swallowing.

   Life's like a box of chocolate, it doesn't last very long for fat people.

   Your mumma's so fat when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want

   According to Dr.Oz, EVERYTHING is unhealthy to eat,drink, breathe and so on!

   George Clooney could have any woman he wanted. Yet he's out fighting for peace in a third world country... What a moron

   A boomerang is just a frisbee for douchebags with no friends.

   When some girls says, "I'm sexy and I know it" it usually means, "She's slutty and she blows it."

   To all those who said I couldn't make jokes about blind people... watch me.

   While playing football with friends: Fat guy = goalkeeper.

   When I go in to kiss a girl, I always close my eyes. I've learned from experience that if they're open, pepper spray gets into them.

   You're as useless as pants on a hooker.

   Janitors carry a lot of keys...too bad one of those isn't the Key to Success.

   I can't believe my girlfriend called me a two-timer....That's a lie! I've cheated on her hundreds of times.

   You do look pretty. At night. Behind a wall. With a bag on top of your head. To a Blind Person. If they turned around. Just maybe.

   There is going to be no easy way to tell my GF that I'm leaving her. Mainly as she's deaf and I don't know sign language.