SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Getting a lot of nice things said to me lately. I don't believe a word of it.

   Facebook is great for reminding me why I lost touch with certain people in the first place.

   Has that kid in the Dreamworks logo even caught a single fish yet?

   I'm not saying this plane is small & rickety but I'm pretty sure the crossword puzzle was filled out by the Big Bopper.

   People are funny. They spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like.

   Very little happens at 3 o'clock in the morning, but when it does, it's usually very memorable.

   A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.

   My "safe place" is filled with unstable chemicals and psychedelic teddy bears with knives for claws, so I guess it's kind of a misnomer.

   People need to stop trending #LMFAO. I've seen obesity statistics, you're not laughing anything off.

   Turns out "LEGO" is Danish for, "Ouch! That hurt my foot!"

   When it rains in LA it's the tears of all the unemployed party clowns.

   The most awkward place to run into a homeless person is on your way to a Coinstar.

   "The Force" is weird. How come a Jedi can detect a planet being destroyed light years away but can't tell he is kissing his own sister?

   It's that time of year again where commercials remind me that I will probably never get a car with a bow on it.

   Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

   The AMA does NOT reward talented MUSICIANS for making remarkable music, it rewards ENTERTAINERS for entertaining the easily entertained.

   I'm currently seeking a corporate sponsor for my retirement.

   4:55 am. Just got back from sneaking into all of your bedrooms and putting your hands in bowls of lukewarm water.

   Just wrote my rent check in hieroglyphics, that should delay things for a while.

   I don't think I'll ever forgive the media for covering “Dancing with the Stars” like it's news.