SeaN Funny Status Messages
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Page: 29 of 38
Just a couple more weeks until America learns which Olympians have the most terrifying moms.
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01-17-2014 11:40 by SEAN
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What idiot named it a herd of elephants and not a stamp collection?
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01-17-2014 11:40 by SEAN
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Stop telling people you got that scar in a bar fight when you know darn well it's from being circumcised.
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01-17-2014 11:40 by SEAN
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Stay away from gangs, kids. You don't wanna end up playing a cop on TV.
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01-17-2014 11:41 by SEAN
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I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
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01-17-2014 11:41 by SEAN
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More snitches will be able to afford stitches under ObamaCare.
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01-17-2014 11:41 by SEAN
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ving a PT Cruiser says, "I made a 25 thousand dollar mistake in 2002."
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01-17-2014 11:43 by SEAN
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Forget having a gun or a knife. If you want to rob me, just threaten to throw glitter on my clothes.
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01-17-2014 11:43 by SEAN
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The police are searching Justin Bieber's house for eggs. "Take your time." said every rapist and murderer.
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01-17-2014 11:44 by SEAN
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If a road runs parallel to a river, there's probably a bridge nearby. No reason to cross five lanes of traffic, Frogger, you idiot.
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01-17-2014 11:45 by SEAN
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Been throwing up gang signs at my mom all morning. Now she won't make me lunch.
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01-20-2014 08:39 by SEAN
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Movies taught me that if your kid is talking to ghosts, alone in their room, leave that brat in there, and run while you're still alive.
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01-23-2014 12:21 by SEAN
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It sucks when you wanna throw a brick at someone's face, but you can't, because you don't have a brick.
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02-19-2014 17:12 by SEAN
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I could be an Olympics commentator because I'm good at pointing and saying, "You can tell she wants it."
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02-19-2014 17:12 by SEAN
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Girls spend 20 minutes eating dinner and 40 figuring out who owes what.
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02-19-2014 17:14 by SEAN
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My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
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02-19-2014 17:14 by SEAN
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Can someone's face be a pet peeve?
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02-19-2014 17:15 by SEAN
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous & six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.
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02-19-2014 17:15 by SEAN
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My kid's new teacher asked me to describe his personality so I just videotaped me crying and taking shots of Vodka.
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02-19-2014 17:17 by SEAN
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There is a person out there for everyone. Your person just happens to be three cats.
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02-19-2014 17:18 by SEAN
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