CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   Lady, you were funny and interesting up about until that time you started talking about your boyfriend.

   Never go arm wrestling with a man who has been single for over a year.

   "Can we talk for a minute?" is code for, "I am going to ruin the next 6 hours of your life with this bad news here."

   If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while!

   Look, all I'm saying is, bears spend half of the year eating and the other half sleeping and they're doing alright.

   I enjoy people who actively participate in my insanity.

   It's a man's world, until the woman refuses to make a sandwich.

   I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than the scratch on my Lamborghini.

   A man was arrested having weed growing in his backyard today. He claims the evidence was planted.

   I'd rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.

   It's pretty cool how vodka always has such 'great' ideas.

   I still have every movie I've ever rented.

   A Women's work is never done because she's too busy telling a Man how to do his work.

   Remember when the only hatred that existed here was directed at Nickelback? Good times.

   With women, you can either be happy, or you can be right. Never both.

   Well sir, I doubt everyone will be so upset my desk is "infested" with caterpillars once the office is "infested" with beautiful butterflies!!

   Did you know that if you decapitate a vegan they can continue to talk about being a vegan for another 10 minutes?

   "You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.

   I'm running out of people I can tolerate!

   Baby, does all this money make my d*ck look bigger?