Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Maybe Taylor Swift should try dating an Arab. It might not work out but at least he'll make sure she doesn't live to write another song.

   You know that one person you're always thinking about? They don't.

   Only the married squirrels hurl themselves under car wheels.

   Honey maybe you will feel better if you poop.

   Error 404: Virginity not found!

   I've perfected the confused look for when my credit card's declined.

   Sometimes I get so hungry that I eat a sandwich without having sex first.

   I'm gonna be honest, I don't even know where girls pee from.

   Well, our relationship didn't work out the first time, maybe the 37th will be the charm. - Couples who are stupid.

   Congratulations on graduating community college! Alright let's practice, I'll ask for a fish filet combo with a sprite, now what do you say?

   It's not a recession until your internet is cut off and you have to masturbate to the woman in a red bikini on the Special K box.

   I was told to not make decisions when I'm angry or horny. apparently, I'm never supposed to make a decision.

   It's true. Girls just want to have fun. And ruin your life in the process.

   I'm lonely, but not 'talk to people' lonely.

   If you're going to give the silent treatment, the least you could do is go on the street and pretend to be a mime. We're kinda broke here.

   When a woman tells you 'you're cute', it means you're ugly and you just entered the friendzone.

   If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?

   "Daddy, can I have some ice cream?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Why do boys have p enises and girls don't?" "Chocolate or vanilla?"

   Never underestimate my ability to make things weird for everyone involved.

   I love that you can pee anywhere you want at Wal Mart.