BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Being single doesn't mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes, its wiser to be alone than with the wrong damn person.

   Why give second chances when there are people waiting for their first?

   The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve..

   Hi, may I help you?" "No I just waited 15 mins in the line to say Hi.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once Id like to see a drug commercial that says, May cause extreme awesomeness.

   changing my iPhone signature to say, Sent from my bathroom.

   Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.

   I wish relationships were Mon-Fri, 9-5 that way id have my nights and weekends free

   From now on if you type, LOL you should have to submit a video proving it.

   Im still waiting for customer service but Ive exhausted all my dance moves to their hold music, now damn what?

   When I'm rich, I'm going to dictate my status updates to my secretary, and my butler will press that share button.

   Old: Can I buy you a drink? New : I'll give you fourteen dollars for your phone number.

   Weddings in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

   Fine dont text me back then. Its not like I'm obsessively checking my phone or anything

   My mother called Information. While I'm sitting here with my laptop, she called Information. Even the Amish dont call information anymore

   omg I just found out I'm allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!

   Hulu is coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives

   You're really not as bad as people say. You're much, much worse.

   Some smartphone you turned out to be. You should have known better than to let me call my damn Ex.