Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes The Best Things In Life Are Worth Waiting For.. So Wait For Me I Will Be Right Back...

   if you aren't pissing off at least 10 people a day, you aren't trying...

   "The View" is pointless. Those ladies need to stop talking about politics and start passing around sandwich recipes.

   Did anyone figure out where they got the bright white sports car?

   Dear "cool people", they didn't name a candy after you, did they? Sincerely, nerds.

   My chinese friend died last week. So Yung.

   it's funny how gas can drop $10.00 a barrel and the price at the pump stays the same for a week or so, but if it goes up a dollar the price at the pump jumps right away.. that's just F'd up, if you ask me.

   :I think I'm going to start calling other white guys "my Cracker" And get angry when black guys say it... No?

   :I've seen fashion girls do things for cocaine that even a dog wouldn't do for some peanut butter.

   :Medical fact: If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well!

   :To all the fat chicks that only take pics from the neck up .... good try ... Very good try.

   words of wisdom: a woman will ALWAYS have the last words in any/all argument(s) ... anything said after that, is the beginning of a new argument...

   I really enjoy running geese over in my car. It gives me goose bumps!

   I'll be another year older soon and I've always been told that you're only as old as you feel. Would you like to feel me and tell me how old I am?

   I got some new deodorant, instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom." Now I can barely walk, but when I fart, it smells amazing!

   My phone just autocorrected Volvo to Vulva without me noticing it and now my boss thinks my Vulva is having the dents banged out of it by 3 guys at the body shop! Thank you auto-correct! This day's going to rock!

   Cats. Because why should conditional love only come from family?

   I hate nerds who coverup their answers. Like come on bro lets work together.

   For the love of God, how do I remove Vuze from my computer????

   This morning I thought I heard a neighbour blasting that new Skrillex song, but then I realized it was just the garbage truck