santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I guess Jesus was the first kid that got to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas.

   When cats and dogs finally rise up against us, the first thing they'll do is strap Santa hats to our heads and take pictures.

   Lost a lot of Xmas Manger characters, but 2 Wise Men and a He-Man will do.

   Christmas parties are really just birthday parties for Jesus that he's too cool to show up for

   It's pretty funny to strap a Christmas tree to the roof of your car, light it on fire, and drive around like nothing's wrong.

   Christmas comes quicker than a teenager during his first dry hump.

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   Yes, Christmas comes but once a year. So does every other day! February 29th, now theres a day to celebrate!

   It's pretty funny to strap a Christmas tree to the roof of your car, light it on fire, and drive around like nothing's wrong.

   On the 12th Day of Christmas Facebook gave to me,... 12 people I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 bad status updates, 9 Farmville requests, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites,... Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, ...4 m

   On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me: 12 Boy's I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvveeee DRAMA Queeeennnss; 4 game requests, 3 photo tags,

   I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors house and now they are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram......:/

   Santa wants to know if you have been naughty or nice this year... And if you were naughty, did you video it???

   "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is a great song if you're into festive celebrations of inexplicable marital infidelity.

   The only Christmas movie I can even remotely relate to is "Bad Santa." And you damn right I want some sandwiches.

   Every Christmas for the last 15 years, I've been too drunk to remember the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, enough is enough. It's time to get my act together. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.

   Christmas is the time for giving family. So I'm giving away my family 'cause I'm efficient like that.

   Santa only gives my kids undies and socks. All the cool stuff comes from dad. They don't like Santa much.

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites

   I told this homeless dude I would send him some supplies for Christmas but I need his address first