SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Wrote a screenplay called "Primal Justice" about a high dollar lawyer gorilla torn between his code of ethics & his lust for power/bananas.

   I think it's time for me to pick something to care about.

   I'm in Wisconsin for two more days which should be just long enough to lose enthusiasm for existence.

   "Love me tender." - pirate describing his fondness of breaded chicken

   Yelling "I DIDN'T INVITE YOU IN" doesn't work on spiders but it will freak out twilight fans.

   I've found "the more the merrier" to be a dangerously inaccurate cliché.

   I wonder if my drug dealer is going to have any Black Friday deals.

   I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.

   A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.

   B!tches or not, 99 problems is still a sh!tload of problems.

   Why are these Occupy Wall Street hippies constantly interrupting perfectly peaceful gatherings of angry police officers?

   Hey, if y'all have any good vegan Thanksgiving recipes please rip them up and burn them cause that's freakin' gross.

   Ambulances are SUCH drama queens.

   I wonder how popular the occupy Poland movement will get? #toosoon?

   It's hard to be intimidating when your boots keep making fart sounds when you walk.

   I used Suave shampoo this morning and I just tripped over a curb. How long does it take for this stuff to kick in?

   I get one pimple & here I am watching Proactive infomercials & thinking it's a good idea to order. BUT WAIT, there's more!!

   Guy at coffee shop just asked for a "croissant" like he's totally a French person. It's like, calm down, dude.

   Tonight has been brought to you by WTF?

   If wishes were kisses we'd all have mono. well, until someone wished they didn't....where was I going with this?