Funny Status Messages

   Like if you remember buying really silly stuff from Ronco ...Mr Microphone .. The pocket fisherman...aand who could forget the "Chop O Matic "

   When discussing geology and erosion, I often get sedimental and break down.

   Have you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

   | ( • )( • ) | Spongebob / ( • )( • ) \ Patrick ( (•)(•) ) Squidward | (•) | Plankton |•||•| Mr.Krabs

   Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service.

   What starts with P and ends with ORN? Popcorn your pervert!

   an animal rights activist against fur but not leather because it's easier to harass rich old ladies instead of motorcycle gangs

   No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.

   LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing.

   Turning off the downstairs lights and running upstairs so no one kills you.

   When you're stressed, You eat Ice cream, Cake, Chocolate & Sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

   Like humans, as bitter,sour or unpleasant sometimes you just have to give them a chance... Giving Celery another try!!!

   It's always the ugly girls who are feminists

   I keep my standards low, so you don't have to!

   If you want to cry use a tissue; not your Facebook status. !!

   Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

   In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him

   Never break four things in life. Trust. Promise. Relation. And Heart. Because when they break they don't make a noise, but hurts a lot.

   LIKE If your texting speed automatically increases when you're angry.

   Like if you have tried to have S*x with Siri...