g0re Funny Status Messages

   Don't be disappointed if the person you love doesn't love you, because God has said "This is my world and even I couldn't make my every creation love me"

   Theres always that cart at walmart with an oval wheel. I'm all like "I wanna go look at games!" but its like "Nah b!tch, we're going to produce"

   Whenever I'm frustrated, I like picturing my enemies being d!ck-slapped in the face. ..not by mine of course. I wanna hurt em, not kill em

   i have 2 sisters,one 14 and the other 6. the 14 year old was arguing with the 6 year old and said" SANTA ISN'T REAL!" without blinking,the 6 year old said"neither is edward cullen!" I don't wanna be mean so i'll say this,one ran away crying.

   Whoever said "you can't fold a piece of paper in half 8 times" has clearly never seen me wipe my a$$ with the last sheet of toilet paper.

   I do the perfect imitation of a slug being poured salt on when my mom turns the light on in my room this early

   I used to play sports. Then I realised you can buy trophies.. Now I am good at everything.

   "On a scale of 1-100 how immature are you?" "69"

   Me: I wasn't that drunk.. Myself: Dude, you were talking to yourself! Me: ...and... Myself: ...and you still are.

   Last night I jerked off so good that when I woke up my D!ck was in the kitchen making breakfast

   The awkard moment when you realize Valentines day is approaching fast and the only one who loves you is your pet..

   bThe awkard moment when the only thing you know on your test is your name.

   Everybody talks about my drinking but nobody talks about my thirst.

   WOMAN'S LOGIC... Bikini: no problem Underwear and Bra: OMG!!! DONT LOOK!!!

   "I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you picked up a little Mexícan girl and screamed, 'DORA! I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!'" @____@

   DEAR SIDEWALK, Please get wider... SINCERELY, 3rd FRIEND WALKING BEHIND FEELING EXCLUDED.

   you know your hungry when your stomach sounds like chewbacca with a ballpoint pen up his a$$

   To do list: go to a bank wearing a ski mask. complete a normal transaction. leave as if nothing happened.

   who else pretends someone you like is randomly watchin u, so that you do whatever you were doing 10x better?

   that awkard moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water came out