bego Funny Status Messages

   Visa is everywhere you want to be…except out of debt.

   I just love hearing somebody lying, when I know the truth..

   The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check their phone for 3+ hours.

   I just realized I can make 50 funny faces at my boss in less than 30 seconds while the elevator door closes. Anyway, got fired.

   I gave a pint of blood yesterday. I hate mosquito season.

   Most of the time I think i'd be better off talking to a wall other than you

   “Hey, it's been 6 seconds. Check your phone again.” (my brain)

   Sometimes things just don't work out....like when you finally get your foot in the door, someone slams it!

   If you lose something let it go, but when it comes back, that's how you know.

   I can already hear the birds judging me for sleeping till noon tomorrow.

   Just when you finally get to that moment you've been waiting for all your life, somebody yells "Time's up!"

   Facebook is daycare for adults.

   If you think what I just said was offensive, you don't want to hear the things that I stopped myself from saying.

   Won a time machine on eBay. Disappointed when I received a damn clock.

   If Facebook shutdown people would be in tears, shoving pictures of themselves in front of mirror in bathrooms and showing on people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"

   I love you yet I hate you,its like I want to throw you off a cliff then run really fast to the bottom to catch you ..

   Facebook = Star Wars, Twitter = Empire Strikes Back, Google+ = Return of the Jedi. MySpace = Stupid prequels.

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed.

   *1 friend request* (250 mutual friends) “…I still don't know you ...

   5.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.