SEAN Funny Status Messages

   Went fishing before the strip club, first time I've smelled like fish before the club...

   Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're ignorant and make bad decisions.

   Girls get so mad when you point out that their stupid friends are stupid.

   Chris Brown said he might retire from music. That sure is going to leave him with a lot of time on his fists.

   Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude's pubes out of marble.

   "We have to get together sometime!" is a just another way of saying, "I regret running into you."

   “You’re beautiful the way you are, ladies. Just kidding, you need to buy this stuff.” – commercials

   Being alive is so expensive.

   I never said she was a prostitute, all I said was she used her panties as ankle warmers!

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity

   A marriage is like a deck of cards. In the begining all you need is a diamond and a heart, by the end you wish you had a F'n club and a spade

   I dont understand....if you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass

   Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don't really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don't really mean it.

   Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.

   Scavenger hunt time! Find a parent in Walmart who looks happy to be a parent.

   It takes all of my self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.

   Sorry but if your dog is small enough to be carried away by a falcon then it shouldn't be called a dog.

   I don't sign anything without pretending to read it first.

   I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.

   Going to war for Syria is like jumping into a swimming pool while you're wearing an expensive suit to save the kid who bullied you.