Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   People that believe internet gossip are the same dumbasses that keep the Kardashians famous.

   If your wife is "rewarding" you with sex when you're good, you really need to work harder at getting her to view sex as her own reward.

   I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”

   Keys to a good marriage: 1) Trust 2) Communication 3) Intimacy 4) Blocking each other on Social Networks And 5) Alcohol

   My girl's father got mad at me, for writing my name in piss on the side of his house. I said "what about your daughter sir, it was her handwriting"

   Diamonds are women's best friends. Little shiny rocks are their best friends. This is the kind of crazy men have to deal with.

   If you've ever seen a woman masturbate, it's odd they're not better at video games.

   Apple is coming out with a 60 inch flat screen, and now I have to explain to my son why community college is good enough.

   Companies and money-hungry capitalists are ruining Facebook with their advertising and snooping.

   One man's birthday is another man's free liquor day.

   Don't fool yourself, give others a chance also.

   With great power comes great difficulty in factorizing the polynomial.

   My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.

   My relationship with pizza is the only relationship that has never failed me.

   When Kanye and Kim finally break up - does that automatically put her back on the Black market? Asking for Lil Wayne.

   The only difference between sanity and insanity is someone else's opinion.

   I can never invite the neighbors into my house because they might recognize their stuff.

   Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

   Okay, I'll admit it. I just don't have the stamina required by most women. I mean, who can listen to a story for 40 minutes?

   I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.