Funny Status Messages

   Fixin' to do some mechanic work... Have a rear end to put in my recliner!

   On a scale 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?

   Who are your favorite underground artists?? Mine are Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston

   When I was a kid I loved the game kerplunk. Now I play everyday with the insane amt of clutter in my house

   Search engine guide: BING = "But It's Not Google!" , YAHOO = "You Always Have Other Option" , GOOGLE = "Great Omnipotent Optimal Guide to Lots of Everything".

   Gettin really tired of you emotional women on facebook. Stick some cotton in your crotch, eat a tub of ice cream, curl up to your body pillow, STFU and go to sleep

   Happy "Steak and BJ Day". I'll take both well done.

   I use sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is in fact frowned upon in most societies

   toooo many Debbie Downers on facebook...wah, my life sucks, wah, my husband died ,wah, I burned dinner...

   signed up for the wrong college courses... apparently I'm a rhinocologist..

   rode into town on my horse. not worth it, I had to pick up his poo with a snow shovel and a hefty bag.

   looks like I'm having pie all day....Thanks to 3-14 or 3.14

   running on pills and luck

   i think chubby chasers are just lazy people, I mean...really, how far is this 'chase'

   I cut my foot and its turning black now, thanks to Mr. Deeds I know this is gonna be cool. If not, I'll go see Dr. Pepper

   I carried a really cool hat to school that I rubbed on a licey homeless guy. The school bully just stole it..... :D

   I can't get the Bananas in Pajamas song out of my head, so I'm cursing you all with it

   We have come so far. Computers, Moon landing, Mars rover, Hubble telescope taking pictures of thing light years away...and yet we still need a sign telling employees to wash their hands.

   Ladies paying thousands for chemical peels...I will splash battery acid on your face for only $500. Look for me on craigslist. Dr. Duracell

   Hornrimmed glasses are back..and uglier than ever