Funny Status Messages

   Don't let the bad weather get you down. It's not the end of the world. That's not for another 10 months.

   Since I cant afford the gas to go on vacation anytime soon, I'm gonna drink until I dont know where I am!

   Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl's stomach full for 9 months

   My girlfriend smokes when we have sex..but we use lube now..

   Auditions are being held for you to be yourself. Apply within.

   This is not fair!" - Russian guy realizing he got bad directions to the fair.

   Some people are like pennies. Two-Faced And Worthless.

   Auto correct is my worst enema.

   Roundabouts and retarded people are like round holes and square pegs, you can force them together, but it isn't going to be pretty.

   “Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it.” (God greenlighting the duck-billed platypus)

   If you bite the inside of your mouth by accident, you should be allowed to fire a shotgun at an old bus till you feel better.

   Does anyone have a llama guy? I need a llama. I'll explain later

   If I ever go on "Wheel of Fortune," I'm going to buy all the vowels, then give them to poor kids in Africa

   Can't wait to see "The Lorax"! Finally, a movie answers the age old question: What if Wilford Brimley was orange?

   Hamburger Helper can only help the hamburger that wants help.

   Doing my best to, as the kids say: "keep it real." Or some such thing

   What's the deal with people who hit you up on the chat, then take twenty minutes to type their responses? DELETE.

   when a kid says a cussword some parents & babysitters will wash their mouth out with soap....if you type a cussword does that mean you should wash ur hands?

   I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well

   The only thing keeping me from driving off this bridge is the insurance rate increase if I survive