g0re Funny Status Messages

   That akward moment when you don't really like your crush. You like the imaginary version of them which you created in your head.

   How do you keep a blonde occupied for a few hours? Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

   My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

   Life is like a pen!s. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard.

   Santa is an unfair a$shole, He gives the more expensive gifts to the wealthier kids!

   "You will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory" - Spongebob

   "I didnt do it..." "Then why are you laughing?" "Cause whoever did it is a f*cking genius!"

   Dear Santa, I don't want anything for Christmas except for the person reading this to have an amazing Christmas.

   HAVE YOU FOUND A REAL JOB YET?!!!!! no,i've been searching for a FAKE job that'll pay me FAKE money,to pay all my FAKE bills off,so when I retire,i can move to a FAKE retiree home in florida.

   What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing they just waved...Do you SEA what I did there?...I'm SHORE you did, BEACH.

   TEACHER: what is the opposite of laughing? STUDENT: fu*king... TEACHER: why is that? STUDENT: well laughing is Ha Ha Ha and fu*king is Ah Ah Ah ....

   your not drunk till you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off the earth

   Im gonna laugh when the day comes when our generation is saying "You spoiled little brats! All we had in our day was Xbox's, PS3's, iphones, flat-screen tv's & laptops, you ungrateful little sh!t"

   Right now your holding your phone in your right hand, having your 3 fingers behind, your pinky on the bottom & scrolling down with your thumb! :)

   Life is a b!tch, and Monday's its son..

   Only 12 % of the earths population can solve this in 30 seconds. Say the 0pposite of these words: 1) always 2) coming 3) from 4) take 5) me 6) down

   Without that little voice in your head you wouldn't be able to read this.

   If you are living your life without giving an "f", You are living a li[ ]e .

   People think i'm shy because I don't talk or participate much in conversations. The truth is I don't really give a f*ck what they're talking about.

   GF: Babe what are you doing?? BF:Nothing much, really tired just going to sleep now hunny and you sweetheart ? GF:In the club standing right behind you