Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   90% of people who claim to have "come from the bottom" don't realise that they are still stuck at the bottom.

   I fear the day someone invents a vibrator that can also open jars.

   Warning to parents: If you ever catch your kids reading "50 Shades of Grey" WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T spank them.

   Guess Lil Wayne actually heard some of his own songs. They do the same thing to me.

   There is nothing wrong with making the same mistake twice as long as you admit it, apologize and accept that you're stupid.

   I am terribly sorry about the inspirational p osts. My dealer gave me inspirational weed.

   Baby we complete each other. I'm the typo and you're my autocorrect.

   I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn't be allowed to leave Wal Mart.

   If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to "Widowed", it's time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.

   Last night I slept for 6 hours straight then 1 hour ga y.

   Woke up face down in a ditch, I must have tried to tell a woman what to do again.

   If I were a spider, I would spice up my résumé by listing myself as a web developer.

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Makes animal noises whenever someone approaches

   Dogs: OMG YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!! Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty...fill it..I'll be on the couch.

   Didn't leave home today. It was too peopley out there.

   GIRLFRIEND: “You're leaving after I gave you the best years of my life?” ME: “If those were your best, then I ain’t sticking around for your worst.”

   North Korea chose the right time to declare war on South Korea. With them releasing "Gangnam Style", no one is going to feel sorry for them.

   Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

   Do some people just wake up one day and think, "I already have 2 bumper stickers, why not 70?"

   In a relationship you'll find either your soulmate or your cellmate.