Baddie Funny Status Messages

   "So You Think You Can Tickle A Polar Bear" is a show that I would love to watch.

   I see your swag and I raise you a high school education.

   Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real

   Well I just broke up with my girlfriend 'cause I'm engaged now.

   Man, I get a lot of junk emails. Apparently, there's a lot of folks out there that wanna make my p enis 3 inches longer.

   My girlfriend asked me what "misogynistic" meant and I told her to shut the hell up and get her fat ass back in the kitchen.

   Okay. I've noticed you. Now go away.

   I like my women like I like my coffee... Tied up in a sack and shipped over from an exotic country.

   I don't need a safe word because socks don't have ears.

   How are there still millions of bald men in this country when there is an abondance of permanent markers?

   Don't forget to show appreciation to those you're most thankful for this holiday season. You know your pharmacist, bartender and weed guy.

   Facebook is not a shower, so keep your clothes on ho!

   Whenever I have sex I always pretend I'm having it with someone.

   The amount of people who confuse "too" with "to" is just two damn high.

   90% of the girls I've dated, I got their pants off with my humor. The other 10% were passed out, so I had to take them off myself.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand, but I'm thinking of you.

   I am as messed up as the alphabetical order on a keyboard.

   The problem joining Scientology is that you just know they'll give Tom Cruise the best spaceship.

   When I need you, I just close my eyes and down some painkillers with a glass of wine - and suddenly I don`t need you anymore.

   I just want to do my part. Are prostitutes a small business?