BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Plan A doesn't work in your love life, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.

   I hate when people say like, "I gotta get my body right for this summer like exercises and tan." ok fine...like, wtf are you going to do about your damn face???

   I know what love is..Thats like someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a damn cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.

   Just once in my life I'd like to see a liars pants actually catch on damn fire...

   My life must be a circus. My family expects me to jump through hoops, the people I work with are clowns, I'm juggling career and personal life, and the whole darn thing is a balancing act!

   I never feel as much panic as I do when the cashier asks me if I have their member card yet.

   The reality is that if you have a job that requires a name tag, I'll never give a crap what your name is

   Who needs soap operas, talk shows, reality tv, newspapers, and books when there is Facebook!

   So, My girlfriend asked me if I loved Her,..No girl, I only think about you all day, text you whenever I can & Stare at you constently when i'm with you.

   This is such a beautiful day... now watch some idiot screw it up!

   Transparency: The ability to see within another's heart ... all strengths & weaknesses ... and to accept everything unconditionally.

   The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off

   In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is damn bacteria.

   Because of the poor economy, we couldn't afford fireworks.  The only snap, crackle, and pop at our house yesterday was when I poured milk on a bowl of Rice Krispies.

   Okay, I haven't seen a damn spider around here in like three days...What the hell are they planning??

   The two favorite buttons I LOVE on Facebook: "Hide all posts from this person" and "Hide friend request".

   "I wasn't that Drunk.." "Dude, you threw a bird at the police and screamed go angry bird kill those pigs!"

   Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they're out of control.

   Just when you think you've heard it all, someone comes up with a brand new damn lie.

   Waiting for someone to tell you they love you is like listening for windchimes in a hurricane.