bego Funny Status Messages

   Someday I hope to solve one of the great mysteries of life, like where do socks go when you put them into the dryer?

   I have a theory that the chicken crossed the road simply because it wanted to.

   People like to talk about other people....it diverts the attention away from them.

   DEAR HATERS, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT....'awesome' ends with "me"and 'ugly' starts with "u"

   I want to be elected president, learn the truth about aliens, and then resign.

   You don't even know how many public pools you can get into for free with a bunch of sunblock on your nose and a whistle.

   Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer.

   Two Lovers plan to sucide. Boy jumped first. Girl closed her eyes and return backsaying 'Love Is Blind.' Boy in air 0pen his parachute saying 'Love Never Dies to'.

   I'd tell you to go to hell, but I damn work there, and wouldn't want to see you everyday.

   LIKE IF: your best friends like your Facebook status because they know the story behind it.

   Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying.

   They should invent a snooze button that hits back.

   Maybe you should eat that makeup, so you can be damn pretty on the inside.

   You need to have an open mind, but not so open that your common sense falls out.

   Little known fact… NASA put a man on the moon with less computer memory than you use when taking a picture on your iPhone.

   Facebook is worth $100 billion. That's just in lost productivity.

   there a mouse that doesn't make a clicking noise as I'm trying to close 10 windows when my boss walks into my office?

   College was the most expensive nap I ever took.

   Money can't buy you happiness. But I'd rather be unhappy in a Bentley.

   If girls could read my mind, I'd would get punched in the face a lot.