SEAN Funny Status Messages

   Reincarnation, evolution, whatever. At some point, Larry King was a possum.

   Found a Capri cigarette in my son's room and now I don't know what to be most upset about.

   If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless."

   Ugh, the most annoying family just sat next to me on this plane. I live with them and now I have to sit with them for 5 hours?

   After handing cashiers money, I like to caress their hand just to let them know all sales don't have to be final.

   Well.... If this snow fall is the weathermans idea of 7 inches- I bet his wife is a very disappointed woman................

   I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.

   HD porn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are.

   Not to brag, but I come from Old Poverty.

   I might care about Twilight if Count Chocula was in it...

   Police always seem disappointed when they realize those bits of foil on the floor of my car are just old Hersheys Kiss wrappers not drugs.

   The neighborhood bully fell off his skateboard in front of our house and kids have been ramping their bikes off him all day. I even took a turn.

   There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who cant.

   "I bet you I can get people to buy the shirt from a game they don't even know how to play." -Ralph Lauren

   Good job on the speed traps, cops - How are the murderer traps coming along?

   I'm for traditional marriage, mostly because I want to know how many goats my wife is worth.

   FYI- Clear plastic bra straps make you look like you're stuffed in a 6-pack ring.

   Which Playmate is in charge of sorting Hugh Hefner's pills?......'cause you KNOW that's an all day job....

   Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.

   Feeling sad? Just picture Cee Lo Green climbing a rope.