Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I'll do almost anything to lose weight. But exercising and eating properly is where I draw the line.

   Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don't even do anything about it.

   My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually…damn that’s a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst.

   I killed a man once, because killing him twice is a physical impossibility.

   My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD Bin at Walmart.

   Get hoarders addicted to crack, they will sell all their s hit..Problem solved.

   Ladies; If he's seen your butthole, how you look in the morning with no makeup and hair all over the place is moot.

   I think I've managed to weird myself single.

   To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.

   If she is married or has a boyfriend make sure she swallows the evidence.

   She is not crazy, she is female.

   Sean Connery's dog must get so confused when he yells for it to sit.

   Opinions are like as sholes. I only listen to mine.

   Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.

   Relax. You’re not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; we’re boozers, boozers go to parties.

   If only plastic surgeons also sold class.

   Satan has introduced many awful things to mankind like herpes and aids, but I'd say one of his worst has got to be The Gangnam Style.

   She tried keeping up with the Kardashians, but now it burns when she pees.

   Why are you all so excited it's Friday? Monday will be here in 5 minutes.

   I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.