g0re Funny Status Messages

   New rule: if you're watching tv and have no idea what the f*ck is going on, it's a car commercial.

   Instead of playing hard to get, play hard to forget.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."

   Why does Obama give his speeches behind bulletproof glass? Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody/

   Why are you sending this chain mail to me? I'm dead from the last one you sent.

   Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

   Thanks to ads all over sites, I now have 32 iPhones, 100,000,000$ and three dates tonight!

   I think we all know a girl that pretends that she wants to hang out, and then when you try to set something up, there's always an excuse. "Where were you tonight?" "Sorry, I had an emergency hair appointment!"

   The Secret life of the American teenager is less realistic than star wars. No father and daughter talk about sex that casually. "Hey amy, are you going to have sex with Ricky tonight?" "Well we're both emotionally & physically ready, so yeah." "okay, cool

   "Let's go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love." sounds a lot better than "let's do it tonight, don't even think about how this will affect our lives later, just sex"

   Earlier, I recieved a chain mail message that said that if I don't forward it to 50 people within 3 hours of reading it, a little dead girl will appear next to my bed at midnight. I haven't sent the message on to anyone. Looks like I'm getting laid tonigh

   When your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her status, you know you're either doing something very right, or something very wrong.

   You're curious as to how Taylor Swifts songs will change when she can legally drink alcohol

   Drive slow and enjoy the scenery . Drive fast and join the scenery.

   Dear family, thanks for putting my empty cereal box back in the cabinet. now I can have disappointment for breakfast.

   When it's the only thing standing between you and your comfortable bed, brushing your teeth seems like a huge hassle.

   When I die, I want my tombstone to say, "Did not forward an email to ten friends,"

   Belle: "My husband is a beast." Cinderella: "Mine still drives a pumpkin." Snow White: "My husband leaves me home with 7 little ones." Mermaid: "Mine wants me to use fishnet stockings." Sleeping Beauty: "I just pretend i'm asleep." Disney's Desperate Hous

   Some people are born mature, and some need it thrust upon them. Tehehe... thrust.

   When you have a bad injury, and someone asks you if it hurt, saying "No it didn't hurt. It felt amazing; like two rainbows having sex" is a perfectly acceptable answer.