bego Funny Status Messages

   Hitting the LIKE button on your own Facebook status is like sending a text message to yourself then replying.

   For Sale: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. Never read because wife already knows everything.

   I'm giving up on the silent treatment. Going to start talking to myself again.

   Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.

   Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.

   Lazy Rules #1:The farther away the remote is, the more you like what's already on TV.

   Girl on Facebook statues : I want a guy that actually give a s**t about me. Guy on comment : I thought about you while I was taking s**t .. does that count ?

   u have twitter?-yes- facebook? -yes- tumblr? -yes- blog?-of course- life? I opened an account but I don't really use it!.

   The Bible teaches you to love - and the Kamasutra explains how

   Seriously, there's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos.

   The more people I meet, the more I like my damn dog.

   A man's home might be his castle, but his wife is usually the one who rules it.

   If you didn't hear it with your OWN ears or see it with your OWN eyes, don't go passing it on with your OWN damn mouth!"

   You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one damn night!"

   In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song.

   There's a new way to transfer funds that's even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

   Twitter makes me love people I've never met and Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life.

   LIKE if you do this: Waking up and checking your Facebook like its the morning paper.

   Love is one long sweet dream… and marriage is the alarm clock.

   Definition of pointless: Jobless people on Facebook updating their status to 'thank God it's the weekend'