CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   The best thing about social media is that you can talk to people without having to put your pants on.

   Skinny girls look good in tight clothes.. butt curvy girls look good naked

   Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there.

   What good is a safe word if your mouth is full?

   I went out for a jog but quickly came back 5 minutes later because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes.

   The designated driver's most important job is making sure no one gets any tattoos!

   The only way your world is ending on the 21st is if you get married that day.

   Banning Ke$ha's song is almost as embarrassing as admitting you even play Ke$ha on your radio station!

   You look friendly. I'll go sit somewhere else.

   I hate when girls start fights over stupid shi t like whether or not the kid is mine.

   Dear Santa, Please define good.

   Hey girls who feel empty and inadequate unless they have a man; that's a lot of pressure on a creature that can't even piss inside a toilet bowl without missing.

   Call me an optimist, but one day I hope to see changes in the Arab world. Like freedom of speech, democracy or someone smiling in public.

   At the cinema. ME: Two tickets please! CASHIER: For the Hobbit? ME: How dare you sir, she's my date.

   My wife's safe word: "Not tonight"

   Two Facebook addicts walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says.... ...nothing

   So in America, at 18 you can die at war or be in a porno. But you have to wait another 3 years until you're allowed a beer?

   You could probably torture a woman by duct taping her mouth and making her apply mascara.

   Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".

   One man's Facebook crush is probably another man's nagging wife or girlfriend.