Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I can tell within 19 seconds of meeting you if our sex is going to be consensual or not..

   Maybe you're beautiful, or maybe he's horny.

   It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant.

   When a girl doesn't invite me up to her place after a date I just assume it's because she's a hoarder with 30 kitty cats.

   I'm not above pretending to be deaf in public to avoid unwanted human interaction.

   After a one night stand I scream stranger danger repeatedly until they leave.

   I'm not surprised Kristen Stewart couldn't act faithful. She can't act happy, sad, frightened, mad, shocked or aroused either.

   I really want to attract a lot of girls this halloween. So I'm dressing up as a Nutella jar.

   Hey guys who write updates about how all girls are beautiful and should be respected, did you figure it out on your own or did your boyfriend tell you??

   I wish judging other people burned calories!

   So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?

   You know what I'd really like from a woman? Consent.

   I'm not stalking you. I'm protecting you.

   Boss: what the hell is wrong with you? Me: one time I listened to a Bruno Mars song.

   You had me at "tubes tied"

   Boobs are the best hand warmers.

   My favorite mythical creature is the happy b itches in tampon commercials.

   It's amazing how everyone is suddenly a political genius one month every 4 years.

   Say it to my face coward, not through your status.

   Co-worker keeps asking me what's wrong so I told her I'm irritated because some idiot won't quit asking me what's wrong.