Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I get offended when others talk while I'm interrupting.

   For a lion to be a cannibal, he must first, swallow his pride.

   I've been voted Most Likely.

   Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.

   I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food's food!

   "That's what." -She

   "I before E, except after C." Disproved by science.

   People who take the elevator up one floor should wear signs reading "I quit trying at life long ago."

   So a homophobe, a rapist, and a black guy walk into a bar, and everyone's like "Can I have your autograph, Kobe?"

   If I see someone trying to seize the day, I'll step in and try to save the day.

   Three midgets walk into a mini-bar.

   Spinning my mouse wheel because that's how I scroll

   Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

   Anyone have a truck I can borrow? I need to drag some ATMs about a mile or so

   Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.

   I was going to collect homeless people, but they lose a lot of their value as soon as you take them out of their cardboard boxes.

   How I eat my ramen: 1. Boil water 2. Eat dry ramen noodle block 3. Drink boiling water 4. Snort seasoning packet 5. Cry myself to sleep

   My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."

   My life needs more explosions and gaping plot holes.

   This is 2011. Giving me $10 to cut your grass will get me as far as mowing "F**K YOU" in it.