jitney Funny Status Messages

   "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife

   The American Dream is still Alive folks...You just can't do it as an employee or a Hillary

   No thanks on the street corner baskets for Valentines Day. Just put those $10 on a chipotle card.

   The Real valentine Holiday is 15Feb...when chocolate is 70% off!

   From now on I will only accept apologies in cash......

   The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit

   I was in the elevator.... I pressed number 1. The elevator said with an attitude: "You're going down." F#¥k you Otis

   Abolish the department of education for failing and producing Paul Rand who wants to abolish the department of education.

   If I had a penny everytime that I thought about you, my pants would fall down.

   Dont blame me for you crazy issues! If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!

   I switch my phone to united airplane mode and now I woke up in a hospital with a headache!

   Dearly beloved God, I wanna take a minute, not to ask for anything from you. But simply to say thank you, for all I have.

   Dear Summer.....where are you going???Why are you leaving me??? Whyyyyyyyy.... All these back to school pics...and and and...school supplies.....and .....school zone lights are flashing again....

   Polarized glasses for sale. Not used at all. Need money for Powerball!!

   Did the kid who was voted most likely to succeed back in high school...succeeded yet?

   I cannot believe Monday got the audacity to be tomorrow..