zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   Alcohol is the worst thing in the world... My friend had a lot last night and ended up saying - "I love you" to his Own Wife !!!

   My wife is so much more attractive without having glasses on. That's why I always take mine off when I get home from work!

   President Obama said 1992's dream team was better than this year's Olympic basketball team. Which is interesting because a lot of people think 1992's president is better than this year's president

   Girls at parties are like parking spaces, if you're late all the good ones are gone, So when nobody's looking you stick it in the disabled one....

   If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

   Beauty of Vodka:It looks lik Water!! Beauty of School:Water Bottles are Allowed Irony of Life:We didn't Realize This During Our School Days.

   Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled 'LSD'?" Granny replies, "Bugger the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

   A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctors replied: 'All we did was correct his eyesight'

   I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.

   My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension. She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

   I got a job as a bounty hunter in China. Couldn't believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!

   Finished I couldn't believe it when my wife demanded sex the other night just before the start of the 100 meter's final but I have to say, I was pleased with my performance.I finished before Bolt.

   No matter how much you shake & dance, the last few drop fall in your pants

   Alien 1: “Did the humans get our message?” Alien 2: “Yeah, but they named it dubstep and dance to it.”

   "Don't you play stupid with me!" shouted my wife. "Why would I play something I have no chance of winning?" I replied.

   I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

   Sorry if you don't like my Honesty. But to be fair I don't like your lies

   After one too many remarks about her weight, my wife went berserk. She screamed, "If you keep up with these fat jokes, you'll drive me to suicide!" "Well I'd have to, you wouldn't walk would you?" I replied.

   A little boy asks his dad, "Is it possible to get AIDS from a public toilet seat?" His dad replies, "Only if you sit down before the other guy stands up!"

   The Royal family are said to be "disappointed" over a French magazine publishing pictures of Kate Middleton topless. Me too, they're tiny.