totalpackage Funny Status Messages

   I plan on rivaling the military with my own explosive version of "shock and awe" this evening!

   The Census Bureau admits to undercounting over a million residents in California.....Congrats to Schwarzenegger for managing to cover up all those illegitimate kids!

   Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.

   I would like to congratulate Charlie Sheen on his demotion from CBS to TBS...If he keeps progrssing at this pace, his next stop should be "dinner theater" at an L.A. soup kitchen.

   There's a move to divide California into two states: The state of poverty and the state of bankruptcy.

   Wow it's hot!.....I'm sweating like a Priest at a Cub Scout picnic! ツ

   Hard to believe Amy Winehouse "vapor locked" today....I always thought that heroine, speed, crack and booze were part of the 4 basic food groups.

   Jeez it's hot again...Today I've opted to wear my Dyson Air Multiplier around my neck!

   After suffering my 5000th stubbed toe, I believe now is the time to invent "Nerf" end tables!

   has become a master at using shake weights...I guess those trombone lessons paid off after all!

   I'm convinced my physical therapist thinks I'm a cross between "Gumby" and "Stretch Armstrong"....Today I left her office (a.k.a medieval torture chamber) folded into some form of decorative origami. :/

   Why is it when deer decide to commit suicide they always choose my car as the weapon of choice!? :/

   noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/

   The bum economy has sent gold prices sky rocketing....It's so high that an angry flash mob looted Mr. T!

   I noticed the storm track seems to be somewhere between the moon and New York City!

   heard Chaz Bono insisted he be paired with a female partner on "Dancing With The Stars" so ABC immediately went out and got Richard Simmons!

   Never wave to a proctologist...You may get the finger in return!

   At least they performed better than the Ram pickup you push to Kragen every day...lol.----Okay, not original but I HAD to do it!

   Researchers have indicated that one anonymous sperm donor has fathered over 1200 children in the past 20 years...Unfortunately for him, he had to retire after he blew out his elbow! ツ

   Switzerland's economy was ranked #1 by the World Economic Forum while the U.S. fell to #5.....I guess those little Swiss army knives must be selling like hotcakes! ツ