moon Funny Status Messages

   I understand that in every life a little Rain Must Fall, but what I don't understand is why does it always happen to me the few times when forget to close my car windows?

   For sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Can pick up in front of neighbors house.

   Funny how the most romantic gesture you can make nowadays while on a date to show the person your with that your truly interested is done by not looking at your phone.

   If you want to know who your real facebook fiends are all you have to do is post that you got a new phone and need numbers.

   Sometimes there's a very thin line between "I should share this on Facebook with all my friends" and "I might want to seek private professional help for this"

   Just want to wish everyone a happy new year!....in case you missed the million posts before this one saying the same thing.

   I wonder what facebook employees do to kill time at work?

   Haven't looked at Facebook in a while and have been doing things I don't normally do while looking at it like reading books, verbally talking to friends, noticing my surroundings and showering.

   I just cleaned up my friends list. So if you could see this post it means you've made the cut because you're special! Or my worst enemy I just want to keep an eye on.

   So if no one posted pictures of the lunar eclipse for friends who don't look up from their phones did it really happen?

   For Sale. Slightly used Christmas tree. Price negotiable. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   The cashier asked if I'd like my milk in a bag to whom I replied "No thanks, I think it would be easier to carry home in the container."

   I don't understand people who take a hundred selfies and then pick the best one to post. I mean how do they roll in real life if they look like the other 99?

   After much consideration I've decided not to host the Grammys this year.

   Just once in my life I'd love to make just the perfect amount of spaghetti for myself. Anyways, if you're hungry come on over. And bring like five friends.

   If your single and starting to feel a little blue about the coming Valentines day to make you feel better just remember that Saint Valentine was imprisoned then beaten to death with a club and candy and cakes will be 50% off the day after 😊

   After owning my phone for almost a year I finally figured out how to make the fonts bigger, which will make walking easier.

   Anyone not doing anything except looking at Facebook, or not doing anything because you're looking at Facebook, want to hang out?

   I thought the internet was originally created to save time. So what happened?

   Just discovered that spilling hot coffee in your lap wakes you up faster then drinking it.