mickeybruce Funny Status Messages

   just heard the villian in the next Batman movie is a guy who's exposed to high levels of radiation and becomes the Speaker of the House of Representatives

   wtf? why is Obama meeting with Indians? Thanksgiving is still 3 weeks away!

   if being apathetic is wrong, then I don't care...

   know why McDonald's restaurants always smell so bad? 'cause the people that eat there poop there.

   Obama went to India, Indonesia, South Korea... and still hasn't found the birth certificate??

   "Oprah tips homeless dude $100" ...20 min. later, homeless dude's crack dealer: "where you get the Benjamin, homie?"

   ok, so what do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh!

   has a feeling that the so-called "Highway To Hell" looks just like a Wal-Mart parking lot

   not here right now. if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, please buy me a cell phone.

   you should probably just let your "Honor Student" drive. You are obviously an idiot.

   just saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was "About time. That comic strip has been lame for decades"

   hates having to delete facebook "friends" that I like, even though they don't give a crap about me. I wish there was a facebook jail to put them in for 30 days.

   really misses Tiger Woods Gatorade. But the John Daly Gatorade is pretty good, too (it has vodka in it)

   ...so you're talking and you feel like no one's listening at all? rip off a good loud fart. that'll get everybody's attention!

   why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? for the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

   if women ruled the world there would be no wars. just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   wonders why hedgehogs don't just share the hedge...

   and, finally, what do you call a deer with no eyes? I-Have-No-I-Deer!

   if at first you don't succeed, try again until you bleed

   ...yikes! saw a bunch of vegetarian zombies at the store today. all they could say was "GRRRAAAIIIIIINNNSSS"