jrbirk Funny Status Messages

   Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.

   Happy Earth Day. I'm doing my part by vacuuming all of the dirt out of my car and putting it back on the ground where it belongs.

   Obama was just on the air and clearly read from his teleprompter that he will now put his full concentration into the issue of JOBS! (for the 19th time).

   If this country really cared about itself everyone would quit looking for work so we could get the unemployment rate down to 0%!

   I have heard of videos going viral, but now it hurts when I pee..

   Starbucks is now offering something called the duffin. If you havent heard, it's a combination of a donut and a muffin. Who says America has lost its exceptionalism?

   Last week the people who wanted to delay Obamacare were called legislative arsonists and terrorists who were holding the country hostage. This week they’re called Democrats

   Mr President, if you like your apology, you can keep your apology.

   President Obama - The worlds most powerful insurance salesman.. How embarrassing.

   Oh, come on.. Who among us hasn't checked African American on an application?

   I'm ready to get lost on vacation somewhere Sean Penn wont even be able to find me.